Now let’s take a look at some ways in which we can increase the levels of our own emotional intelligence so that employers will be fighting over us! [laughter]
The first step is to label our own feelings rather than labelling situations or other people. We should say things like “I feel angry” instead of “This is a ridiculous situation”.
Secondly, it is very important to know the difference between a thought and a feeling. In terms of language we express thoughts by saying “I feel like” or “I feel as if” but for feelings we say “I feel” and then a feeling word, an adjective – happy, angry, frustrated.
Next – and this is a crucial point – we should take more responsibility for our feelings. Instead of saying “You are making me jealous” we ought to say “I feel jealous”.
After this we need to learn how to use our feelings to help us make decisions. Ask yourselves “How will I feel if I do this?” or “How will I feel if I don’t?” Another important issue here is respect. We have to respect the feelings of others. We should ask ourselves questions like “How will this person feel if I do this?”
And of course it isn’t enough to just respect the feelings of others. We have to show others that we care. We do this through empathy and understanding. And we should accept people’s feelings. They are just as valid as our own.
Then we come to energy. We need to turn anger into energy and use it to take action – productive action, that is.
Finally, after getting used to understanding and analysing our emotions, we should practise getting a positive value from them. Ask yourselves “How do I feel and what could help me feel better?” and don’t forget those around you – “How do you feel?” and “What would help you feel better?”
To sum up I am going to leave you with two pieces of advice. Don’t criticise, advise, control or lecture others. Just listen with empathy and in a non-judgemental way.
And what about people who invalidate you? Easy – avoid them. And when it isn’t possible to avoid them altogether, try to spend less time with them and don’t let them get to you.
Follow this advice and I am sure that you will soon increase your EQ level. You will feel happier and more positive and hopefully this will rub off on those around you.
Comments
I think the lesson is really import to live a satisfactory life. I often waste time doing what I don't really wanna do and feel regret. For example, when I don't feel like studying I escape to YouTube and end up spending 3 hours watching comedy channels. I should ask myself "How will I feel later if I watch those YouTube videos now?"
I am agreed that to turn anger into energy and use it to take a productive action is very important by earning good vibes and getting a positive value from them. We should be responsible for our feelings, and we should be able to protect our own feelings and emotions against moral incapacity of acquaintance. It is very important with dignity avoid people who invalid us and don't let them get to us.
Very useful as a lesson of course, but also as personal recommendations.
hello team
in the following :
so that employers will be fighting over us! [laughter]
what is the meaning (fighting over us)?
thank you very much
Hello nicky62,
When two or more people want the same thing and only one of them can have it, we say that they are fighting over it. Of course, the meaning is usually metaphorical rather than literal.
Peter
The LearnEnglish Team
Hi!
Emotional intelligence is great theme beacause all the human needs to socialize with other people and we must know how to manage our own emotions, this can affect in different areas for example in an environmental work if I can't to manage that, It could be fatal in the diferent relationships, also in our families, and others kind of situation. Finally, I guess that this is depending about the age, and experiences of the persons.
Hi team,
The last sentence 'this will rub off on those around you' confuses me. Can it be written 'this will rub off on you' instead? Why does 'those' appear here?
Hi Kenny,
'those' is sometimes used to mean 'the people', so 'those around you' means 'the people around you'. What you suggest is grammatically correct, but has a different meaning since the idea here is that this practice can spread from you to other people, then from them to yet other people and so on.
All the best,
Kirk
The LearnEnglish Team
Oh, I got it. Thanks, Kirk.
Hi
I repeated the podcast for many times and couldn,t hear ( at)
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Thanks
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