3. Is small talk easy for you?
At some point, we all find ourselves in situations where we need to make conversation with people we don't know very well. This can sometimes be difficult in our own language and even harder in another language! We asked some people in what situations they need to make small talk, what they find easy or difficult, and whether they have any tips for making small talk. This is what they said.
Last week I was invited to a party and there were a lot of people there who I didn't know. Although I've lived in France for many years, I still find it harder to make small talk in French than in my own language. I guess I just feel less confident. First, you have to think 'What could I have in common with this person?' and then you have to think of something to ask them. And then you have to understand their answer correctly, and when the music is loud, that can be really difficult! But I think if you smile and seem friendly and interested, that really helps.
Joanne
For me, small talk usually happens at work when you have a Teams meeting with a group, whether it's with your team members or with a client, and you're waiting for everyone to join. That can take a minute or two. Making small talk can be hard, but staring at each other in silence is even worse! The people can be total strangers and come from completely different places. I used to wait for someone else to start the small talk, but then I realised that it's actually easier to start the conversation myself. I ask them what they did at the weekend or what season it is where they are.
Kirill
Recently I joined a climbing club in my local area and had to do an induction course with several other lads who were also new to the sport and the club. As I went by myself, I had to make small talk with people I didn't know. I tend to ask about whether they are working or studying and what uni they go to. With this group, who were all at uni together, it was fairly easy, as I finished uni a few years ago. So we talked about what subjects they were doing, where they were from, how many years they had left and things like that.
Harry
I'm doing a walking challenge for charity this month and yesterday I met up with another person who is also doing it. It was the first time that I'd met her. I found it a little embarrassing initially because I was self-conscious, so I asked a lot of questions! We started off speaking about the weather, then moved on to how long we'd lived in the area, about our families and about food! She's originally from Italy, and I’ve lived in Italy, so food was a brilliant topic that we both enjoyed talking about.
Tina
I think most of the small talk I make is when I'm out running errands. For example, I tend to see the same person at the bakery and she and I often talk about the weather or how many people there are out in the street. In general, I feel quite comfortable making small talk in English, Catalan and Spanish, but when there's a lot of background noise, I have trouble making out what other people are saying, even in my native English. For this reason, I usually struggle a bit in groups of more than a few people in cafés or restaurants.
Kirk
What about you?
- In what situations do you need to make small talk?
- Do you find small talk easy or difficult?
- Do you have any tips for making small talk?
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For me as an introvert, to start a small talk is quite challanging, because i don't know where or what topic to start a conversation with someone you don't really know or even a stranger. But usually i start with the weather or the same situation you deal with someone. I think the duration or how long small talk is depend on how each other's reaction or reply. sometime small talk will ends in second if other's respond or answer is too short and u just know that they didn't want to talk more. but if u met someone friendly and want to discuss or share something u will find that small talk could lead you to deeper conversation with someone.
I find small talk difficult, it is not natural at all for me. I live in South Spain and here, people talk very easily, for example when they order a coffee in a bar, or buy fish at the market. Two days ago I heard the fishmonger telling to a client: I sell you the fish, I'll clean it and then fry it for you! And the woman laughed. This kind of small talk creates a relaxed atmosphere.
Talking about professions, I think that a hairdresser must be a master of the small talk if he want to succeed.
You're right Christine, I hate going to the hairdressers normally but my hairdresser is brilliant ... we always talk about zombie movies! An easy topic that we both love talking about and it doesn't involve anything personal! And I forget that he's chopping my hair off!
~ Tina ツ
LearnEnglish team
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I usually need to make small talk when I meet new people, attend social events, or wait for something with someone I don’t know well. Personally, I find small talk quite easy because I can talk about simple topics like school, hobbies, or food. However, sometimes it can be difficult when the other person gives very short answers. My tip is to ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in what the other person says. Also, try to keep the conversation positive and avoid very personal topics at first.
So, I usually make small talk sometimes with my colleagues in the classroom or in public spaces, when we are waiting for our teachers.
To be honest, I find small talk sometimes easy with close friends or with people I know, and a little difficult with people I don't know very well. I don't always know how to keep the conversation going unless I feel comfortable.
My tip is to try to start a conversation with people using simple topics. This will give you more confidence when talking to people around you.
Thanks for the tip Radia! I love having a chitchat ... in my own language, but when I'm speaking in a language that I'm learning I do find it harder. I think it's because I still have to concentrate on what the other person is saying so I'm not so relaxed as in my own language which I don't have to think too much about it.
~ Tina ツ
LearnEnglish team
I make the most small talk at work, because there’s lots of coming and going so I meet new colleagues every week lol. I usually talk about how they re doing and if it’s not too hard and tell them that the first day is usually the hardest, then we talk about work or studies, essentielle what we do in life, how long we’re planning in working here, and all that.
I find it easier with time (i have been very very shy for a very long time) but sometimes it’s still a little awkward lol like when I’m training someone I never know what to say to start talking to them
Hello everyone,
well as an introvert I rarely start a small talk with anyone, I usually feel uncomfortable around strangers but If I really have to ,I would start with an observation about the place we are in , for example If we were at a cafe waiting for my order , I would say today the place is quiet/crowded .
Well, for topics to avoid to talk about with strangers in a small talk , definitely politics, salary and asking too personal questions.
Hi everyone!
I come from Belgium, and as in most of the countries in the world, we face small talk too. Especially for me, it's difficult to run a discussion because I have ASD, which means that I have a specific way of working. Nevertheless, learning about it changed my life as I understand now how I work. So when it's about small talk, I prepare in advance specific questions to ask if I face this kind of situation. I imagine the questions I could be asked. But this strategy is used to feel more comfortable in social situations, but it is not necessary for everybody. Everyone has their own way of working, using their own strategies. The most important thing is not to judge someone because this person doesn't talk or get engaged in a conversation. We never know what a person is going through in their private life.
Hello,
AHello,
A small talk to me is a way to introduce a conversation, whether it's to ask questions, request help, understand something, or just say hi. So, for me making small talk is both, easy and difficult, it depends on the moment, the situation, or the place.
I always start with a big smile before approaching someone, and very often it helps me a lot, because most reactions are positive.
I find really difficult make small talking in English, I live in uk and sometimes the pronunciation of some people make me nervous, because I can't understand... in my native language (Portuguese ) I feel super comfortable to make small talking, wherever I go, it can be at the bus stop, in a bakery or in a line....I remember as a kid my teachers and parent's friends always ask me to stop talking haha. I don't have any tips to help but I think if you exposure yourself and try talk some people( especially elderly ) will be happy just to have a little conversation and they will forgive you for the wrong pronunciations.
Hi Jaime Castellanos,
I think that's good advice: start with short open questions, and then delve a bit deeper once you've found something in common.
You've summed up the art of small talk very well!
Best wishes,
Jo (LearnEnglish team)
Hi! These're my struggles and tips for small talk.
When I was a child I felt really awkward at family gatherings. There were a lot of people I didn't know and didn't really get what to talk about with them. So I used to hide somewhere in the corner and have as less social contacts as I could. Now when I'm grown up person I do understand that those family gatherings are not about some personal deep matters, but just about to keep in touch. So they became much easier for me to cope.
I find it difficult to have small talk with people who are naturally gloomy and irritated at just anything at the world. But when a person is friendly and trying to keep the friendly air around themselves, having small talk becomes easy and comfortable, and even something I'm looking opportunity to.
As for tips for making small talk I guess you should find something interesting about a person you want to have it with. For example beautiful earrings or nice tatoo on their arm. Or something in common like pets or hobbies. So small talk is more about being friendly and at ease in small social contacts, and not to force yourself if you have nothing to say or dislike a person.
Hi Roslana, ✿
Thank you for sharing your struggles and tips about 'small talk'. And I agree, it really is so much easier to talk to someone who is friendly and approachable rather than all 'doom and glooml!
~ Tina ツ
LearnEnglish team
Hi, it was fun reading everyone's perspectives on "small talk." I think it mostly depends on your personality. Some people are more open to meeting others and can talk about anything, like their weather or favourite food. On the contrary, some people prefer to stay alone, listening to music, texting or browsing their phone, even when they are at a social event. Finally, some small talk is just sort of inevitable when you live within a community